Thursday, March 5, 2009

I have been thinking alot lately about my afterschool life.I have no idea what i'm going to do in my future life. Where am i going to go?Who is going to go with me and who am i going to leave? I don't want to loose the great friends i have now. I'm scared that i'm going to loose the one's i love most. One of my best friends, Julie, wants to go far away to South Carolina which is over 12 hours away from my little town. I know my father won't let me apply to a college so far away in distance. My brother tried to apply and my father denied him.I would like to go because for one it's ALWAYS WARM THERE! but still, i'm not sure.My other best friend, Olivia, is probably going to get into some big fancy smart college that i cannot even apply to.She is so school smart and she has a beautiful gift of writing, and i have diddily squat. I have no idea where Jeff plans on going after ACC (a local community college only a few mintutes away from here) He has his band and his music to follow.I do not plan on going to ACC, I want to see new places. I'm tired of seeing the same old same old. This thought really scares me

I don't want to move away on my own that's for sure. I always felt more comfortable if i have someone by my side.I don't want to leave any of my friends. I do not want that to happen but I feel although it is going to. I don't want to be away from my best friends, loose contact with them.If we move far away from eachother then we will start to loose our friendship, it's already happened to me before when i moved away from my hometown, Westport. I barely even talk to the people who i used to be good friends with. I do not want this to happen again. I do not want to see pictures of my best friends having a great time without me being there. I do not want to feel replaced with other people, Which i'm afraid will happen.

I know i shouldn't be feeling this worried now, i'm still only a junior. But this year is fast ending and i'm going to be a senior next year. I'm worried that next year will be horrible. Most of my closest friends are graduating this year, and I feel that Olivia will be accepted into the New visions. She will be leaving and i'll be stuck alone. I do not want this to happen. Why couldn't my parents have had me earlier? or in more reasonable matters, why couldn't i have tried harder in school? I'm scared. I want things to work out. I know i don't have answers now, and things will only unfold throughout time.

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